So I'm already married And I've been with my husband for so long I love him And I appreciate his efforts
But over time he forgot how to talk to me
He stopped with any sort of Foreplay
And over time, when I was starting to reject his advances, but he thought I was "trying to be cute and coy like in the old days
And eventually I'd just start saying sure whatever I don't care...over time I couldn't even masterbate
Sexual activity became repulsive to me
But now I can't stop thinking about our conversation last year..
It started off with me trying to say I know I hurt you a lot back then and I finally understand the gravity of the situation now that I'm older and more mature. I WANTED TO SAY THANK YOU FOR SUGGESTING HAWAII FOR R&R
MAYBE WE CAN ALL MEET UP SOMEWHERE
It's been so long since anyone took the time to listen to me...it was just supposed to be a family outing
But for the first time in years I started having sexual thoughts about him And it's weird because if it happened in real life...
It would feel almost incestuous because he was my father figure for 4 years and I worked so hard to be just like him...the thought never occurred to me before
And I started having the same feelings for him that I felt for Jason Mamoa
I watched Moana and now I can't stop thinking about "my own personal demigod" and it's happening again
I haven't had thoughts like this in a year...and it's getting me so frustrated
I know it's not ok to have feelings for him and having these thoughts makes me feel like I'm cheating. I don't even know his current situation or if he is single
But it's not like I could ask
Because then I would be cheating
I want to get a divorce, but when I tried last year
He wouldn't let me go
Did things
I got triggered
And now He has scars and I have a criminal record over it...he never got in trouble cuz we are married and it's just a flashback Because of 2020 I lost my art studio So it would be impossible to leave because not only can not afford it, I have no safe place to go
We might lose the house when unemployment ends and might have to go to the reservation with my husband once unemployment ends if we can't get a job by then, we'd have to to the reservation with his family...let's just say it would be "hell" for me and I would be no different then going there in real life
But if there was a chance I could write my own happy ending... I'd be able to just ask and he could just say yes or no...
No need for hurt feelings because I know what it's like to love someone and be attracted to them without sexual desire
But if the answer was somehow yes I would love to revisit Hawaii with him for our first attempt...but honestly speaking
It doesn't matter how dangerous the world is, I know I'm safe as long as I'm talking to him. He's my battle buddy after all, so I'd go anywhere Just for the chance
But knowing it won't actually happen as I deleted his number after apologizing because I did it again I hurt the man I love so much
So There'd be no way for me to ask
Submitted July 31, 2021 at 08:07AM by prickly_pear20 https://ift.tt/3xhsMj8
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