When I tell people that Sansa Stark is my favorite character in Game of Thrones, they react with the same disbelief and derision as if I said that I think that Bravo reality tv shows are the highest form of pop culture entertainment. (Ahem. Don't look at my posting history.) I love this sub, and I love reading the analysis and theories of fans more eagle-eyed and obsessed than I, but overwhelmingly, everyone seems to loathe Sansa Stark.
And here's my defense of why her character arc is arguably one of the best in the entire show (tied with Jaime, my other fav). And guys, this is kinda long so I'll put my TL;DR here for you. Sansa doesn't deserve the hate she gets.
Sansa is the most normal character in the entire show. When we first meet Sansa, she's everything we hate in teenagers today (and everything most of us were when we were 13). She's dreamy. She's in love with the idea of being a princess. She believes in stories and fairy tales, and she dreams of having her own happy ending. She is exactly the person she was raised to be on the surface--desperate to be the lady her mother is. But then she's also the worst part of teenagers--she's bratty. She fights with her sister. She's rude to her father. She's disdainful of anything that doesn't fit the carefully cultivated worldview that's been drilled into her. (Jon being a bastard. Arya not being a lady.)
She has no special skills that are seen as "cool" in this world. She can't fight. She has no aspirations of ruling or fighting or rebelling. She's just a normal teenage girl.
Honestly, she is the most like us. Idk about you guys, but I have no special skills that would help me survive in Westeros. I'm a product of my environment. I've been taught that people should behave a certain way. Most of us aren't born from the womb fighting against the power and bucking all expectations placed on us. We want to be liked. We try to see the best in people. We are raised on a diet of Disney movies and happy endings, and we want to fall in love and raise families and live comfortably. S
Why Sansa's Dreams are Valid. I think another reason why people disliked Sansa is because her dreams are so...girly. She doesn't dream of conquering the world like Dany. She doesn't dream of adventure like her sister. She doesn't dream of bucking social conventions like Brienne. She doesn't dream of seizing power like Cersei. Her dream is...to be married to a prince and be a lady like her mother.
A bit of a personal anecdote here (and why I might identify with Sansa so strongly): I didn't have the most fun family life growing up, and by the time I was in college, I dreamed of having my own family. I wanted a husband and kids and I wanted to create the Leave it to Beaver-esque scenario I felt like I'd been denied. I wanted to bake cookies for my children and write a cute note for my husband's lunch. I didn't want to be a CEO or famous or get my doctorate. I once admitted this to a fellow classmate, and she sighed and looked at me and said, "You are a feminist's worst nightmare." ...seriously? Isn't one of the great things about feminism is the idea that women are able to live whatever kind of life they choose?
Just because someone's dreams aren't "cool" or subversive or grandiose doesn't mean they aren't valid.
Her first fuck up. Usually the first reason I hear people say they hate Sansa is that she lied to the King about the situation with Arya and Joffrey. This always baffles me. She was a thirteen year old girl who was on the verge of having all her dreams come true, and she was terrified not only of the anger in the room, but of losing everything she ever wanted. She had no clue about the bigger political game being played between Cersei and her father, and so she fell back on the skills she'd been taught her entire life--just try to make everyone happy. If she sided with Arya, she'd endanger an alliance between her family and the King's. If she sided with Joffrey, she'd betray her sister and lie--something that a Lady would never do.
And let's be real, she's paid for this transgression multiple times over. Even if it was only Lady being killed, I think that'd be enough for trying to make everyone happy. But, no, we all know this gets worse.
(And actually, let's talk about her reaction to that scene. For the first time, she sees that Cersei might not be the kind, gentle lady she was supposed to be. And Sansa loses it. The thought of an innocent creature being punished--a creature under her care--results in her totally losing her sense of decorum in front of all the people she was desperate to impress.)
Ned's Head. When people tell me they hate Sansa, they usually will also say that it's her fault her father died. If she hadn't told Cersei/begged her father to confess/trusted the wrong people--maybe Ned would still have his head.
Again, we have a child who is thrust into a political game bigger than herself. She's been raised that all lords and ladies are kind and noble and honorable, and she's sure if she does what she was told the right thing is, her father and family could be saved.
And once she follows all the steps and is sure she's saved her father, she is forced to watch him be brutally murdered. At least Arya was held in comforting arms and made to look away. Sansa was held in place and forced to watch. I wonder if she felt an echo of Lady's death here--once again, she'd tried to do the right thing and someone innocent was butchered.
Time with Joffrey. Her father is dead. Her septa is dead. Her sister is presumed dead. Sansa is completely alone now in the midst of the people who destroyed her life. Not only did her dreams not come true, but the same prince she'd dreamed of has become her worst enemy.
What would have been the cool option here? Maybe Sansa learns to fight. Maybe she escapes. Maybe she shoves Joffrey off the side of the castle and then throws herself off after him.
But once again, Sansa does what most normal people would do in a hostage situation. She just tries to survive. And she does it the only way she knows how--shrouded in politeness and courtesy.
I don't need to rehash the details of her time with Joffrey, but this is a girl who has lived through the worst thing a child can face, and she survives. (And during this time, she doesn't just have to survive Joffrey. She's nearly raped by a mob, which might be more terrifying than getting slapped in the face. And then the first people who seem truly kind to her, the Tyrells, use her as an instrument to murder the King and expose her to a potentially horrific death.)
It's also worth noting that at this point, her strength is recognized by one of the smartest survivors in the game--Tyrion.
(Also, I loved that despite her constant terror of abuse, she sees an innocent creature she might be able to save in Ser Dontos. She doesn't do this for any other reason than she knows it's the right thing to do. Displays of decency and honor seem rare in this world, and I loved her for this.)
Time with Littlefinger. Finally, she's away from King's Landing and with someone she feels will keep her safe.... and then he hits on her and then her aunt tries to actually kill her. (Which is not an easy thing to deal with at all -- Sansa thinks most of her family is dead and gone and she will never see them again, only to encounter her aunt...who actually tries to murder her.)
Then this guy who keeps telling her he can trust her brokers a marriage to Ramsay.
Time with Ramsay. Until this point, Sansa's been abused and manipulated and terrorized, and as we know, it all gets much worse. And yet, she survives and isn't broken.
Season Six. By this point, most people can acknowledge that if nothing else, Sansa is a survivor and while they still say she's annoying, they usually admit that she is strong. But then they dissolve into a plethora of accusations with Season Six. Sansa didn't tell Jon about the Knights of the Vale. Sansa is plotting with Littlefinger to take Jon down. Sansa wants to rule in the North.
Let's tackle these one by one.
*Knights of the Vale - At this point in her life, every good thing Sansa has ever hoped for has turned out completely the opposite. Why offer her brother false hope at salvation? He might have waited, and then Ramsay holes up in Winterfell and Jon's army falls apart during the siege. I'm obviously not honed in the art of war, but I think about this in terms of money. Your family owes thousands of dollars in debt, and your house is about to be foreclosed on. You go to the judge to plead your case. Why say, "Hey, FYI, I played the lottery last night and that might save us?" I can see why she kept quiet. Nothing had ever gone right for her, so why give Jon false hope? Hindsight is 20/20 here. Jon makes an emotional decision to charge and essentially dooms his entire army...and he is praised for his bravery. Sansa tries to make the smart, calculated decision (that ultimately pays off), but she is derided for keeping it to herself.
*Plotting with Littlefinger - Sansa has seen LF's true colors in giving her to Ramsay. She's become jaded to the point where she trusts no one and is completely realistic about her world. Gone is this idealistic little girl who believed the best about everyone. But, at this point in her life, the only person she knows would never harm her is Jon. She's never shown a hint of evil in the entire series, so having her suddenly plot with LF to take down one of her only remaining family members is completely out of character. I know a lot of people reference that look she shares with LF during the King of the North scene, but I read that as her realizing that LF has now set his sights on her brother... not her being angry at Jon and wanting to take him down. Which brings me to...
*Wanting Power. The character we've had these six seasons has never shown one ounce of desiring power. Even looking at how her dreams may have changed--while Sansa now understands that wanting a fairy-tale ending is foolish, I think now she just wants to survive. She wants an ending for herself--she wants to be safe.
Dude, okay, I just realized how much I've written, and kudos if you made it to the end. I know Sansa gets a lot of hate in this sub, and I truly think a lot of it is undeserved. We have a character who arguably has undergone the most mental, physical, and emotional abuse out of anyone (besides maybe Theon). But she's a girl who has grown, and she's survived.
It makes me cringe every time I see someone hope that Sansa dies this season or reasoning that she has nothing left to do. Guys. Look at the arc this character has had--from an idealistic, bratty teenager to a woman who is strong and smart and realistic. This is a girl who has sat at the feet of some of the most powerful players in the game--Cersei, Littlefinger, Margarey, Olenna. My most fervent dream is that Sansa gets the ending she's been building to the entire series--one where she realizes her own strength and becomes a major player.
